For most of my life I have struggled with social interactions. People stress me out and I get anxiety even thinking about interacting with them. Somehow though, I find myself obsessed with birth and helping women and babies have better outcomes. This is an interesting position considering I can’t do that without interacting with other people.
So I have to admit it to myself. Though I might be socially anxious now, it is just another obstacle I will have to overcome on my journey to where I want to be.
I love to educate. Advocating is something I will have to learn as I go because my own voice was often silenced while I was growing up. However, since I was often looked down on by my peers, I know how unfair judgment feels and I don’t ever want anyone to feel like that.
Not that my childhood was ridiculously difficult or anything. I learned to pick and chose when to just duck my head and when to stand up for what I believe in. It also helped me realize, sometimes I like to be ‘different’ or ‘unique.’ It isn’t a bad thing.
I was the one in my peer group that had a baby, actually even two, before I was married. I was a young mother and I had this fear of being judged for the kind of mother I was. But for some reason, this made me do the opposite of what most would do. I did the weird.
In the south of an already southern state, I breastfed even with others around me choosing formula. Why? Research says its best and that’s all I needed to fuel my drive. I fed my daughter past 2 and my son is figuring out if he wants to wean himself or not at 15 months. So much criticism for doing it beyond 6 months.
I chose to cloth diaper my babies, which is practically unheard of where I am from? Why? Simply to save money. As a college student dating a college student, money wasn’t exactly flowing through our hands.
I chose to, and still practice, extended rear-faced car-seating for both of my kids. Why? It is proven safer. Cars are dangerous and I want to keep them as safe as possible.
These choices may seem unimportant or even normal for your community, but they were mind boggling for those that surrounded my family as I became a mother. I have since made other choices that are also considered ‘abnormal’ to those I keep in contact with, but I have learned to love it and my decisions.
So how, why does this have anything to do with my work as a doula? I think in a way it really prepared me for the world of birth work. I have seen several underlying themes in this field, and one of them is support through alternative choices, and another is making sure mothers have the option of those alternative decisions.
I want to help women feel empowered by their birth. I want there to be better outcomes for women, their partners and their babies. I want to help moms feel that rush when they have their baby without medications and interventions. To help C-section mothers look at all of their choices and help them plan every detail they can for their dream birth. To help mom’s that choose medication to feel educated, strong, and confident in their decisions.
So even while I haven’t been the best at pushing passed this social anxiety of mine, I know that my roots are there, all I have to do is tend to them, and grow.